Monday, June 25, 2007

The NBA Blogger Draft

With the NBA Draft fast approaching, I had a thought: what would the draft look like if the teams were drafting bloggers instead of players? Hmm....well....

#1. Portland Trailblazers: Henry Abbott of True Hoop
With the top pick the Blazers have the biggest NBA blogger sitting there, who also happens to be a Portland fan? Could this pick be any easier?

#2. Seattle Supersonics: Bethlehem Shoals of Free Darko
Shoals is the Kevin Durant to Abbott's Oden, as Shoals has all the smooth words to create matchup problems with Abbotts sheer MSM power.

#3. Atlanta Hawks: Natalie Sitto of Need4Sheed
If the Hawks aren't allowed to take an actual athletic forward in this draft, they'll settle for a blog named after one.

#4. Memphis Grizzlies: Matt Ufford of With Leather
Who knew Jerry West was a Stokke fan?

#5. Boston Celtics: Lil Dice of I Heart KG
The Celtics are trying to send a subtle message with this pick.

#6. Milwaukee Bucks: Will Leitch of Deadspin
Wouldn't Will and Andrew Bogut just look precious together?

#7. Minnesota Timberwolves: Tofu Burger of I Can Has Cheezburger?
This is Kevin McHale doing the picking after all.

#8. Charlotte Bobcats: Ken Pomeroy of
The Bobcats like college basketball stars, so this pick fits right in.

#9. Chicago: TJ of Gheorge: The Blog
The Bulls need another big man to go with Ben Wallace. Who could be better than Gheorge?

#10. Sacramento Kings: Big Daddy Drew of Kissing Suzy Kolber
KSK + Ron Artest = Instant Classic.

#11. Atlanta Hawks: Al Horford
Seriously...Billy, I know how much you love the forwards...but for goodness sakes man this a BLOGGER draft!!! At least take a point guard if you are picking a real player.

#12. Philadelphia 76ers: The 700 Level
The 76ers need to bring in someone that will be happy to be with the team and won't get booed. Check and check.

#13. New Orleans Hornets: Goran Anicic of Blog Svakodnevnica
The Hornets hope that if they package Goran with Peja Stojakovic they can make a trade with the country of Yugoslavia and get a non gimpy basketball player in return.

#14. LA Clippers: Mark Lisanti of Defamer
The Clippers pick the L.A. gossip blog mainly to make sure their players stay off of it and the Lakers players stay on it...for all the wrong reasons.

#15. Detroit Pistons: Dan Steinberg of D.C. Sports Bog
Since Free Darko is already gone, the Pistons take one of the best talents available.

#16. Washington Wizards: Mike Prada of Bullets Forever
The Wizards keep it close to home in selecting the Pradamaster.

#17. New Jersey Nets: Tar Heel Fan of Tar Heel Fan
The Nets are looking for any way possible to ensure that Vince Carter stays in town. Maybe this will help.

#18. Golden State Warriors: Atma Brother #1 of Golden State of Mind
A home team blog and a great talent at the #18 pick? Quite a steal.

#19. LA Lakers: Dan Shanoff
With the prospect of losing Kobe, the Lakers needed to use this pick on a blogger that could replace Kobe's star power and put butts in the seats. Shanoff is kind of that guy, minus the whole basketball part.

#20. Miami Heat: The Ladies of Ladies...
What other blogger would the Heat want to bring to beautiful South Beach?

#21. Philadelphia 76ers: Curt Schilling of 38 Pitches
Some people in Philly just can't let go of the memory of what could have been when Schilling was in a Phillies uniform. *sigh*

#22. Charlotte Bobcats: Matt Drudge of The Drudge Report
Rod Higgins was last seen wandering the halls repeatedly saying "proven track record...proven track record..."

#23. New York Knicks:Wizznutzz
Isaiah Thomas has a history of strange picks. The Wizznutzz is nothing if not strange.

#24. Phoenix Suns: Mark Cuban of Blog Maverick
The Suns pick Cuban mainly so that they can ship him off to Europe for a few years.

#25. Utah Jazz: Official Russia
An obvious need pick, as the Jazz truly need to read up in order to understand what on earth has happened to Andrei Kirilenko recently.

#26. Houston Rockets: Don of With Malice...
The Rockets already have China covered, so why not take an Australian living in Japan to complement Yao?

#27. Detroit Pistons: Larry Brown of Larry Brown Sports
Man, things just haven't been the same since you left Larry. Why did they hire Flip again?

#28. San Antonio Spurs: Dustyn Winder of Sons of Sam Malone
The Spurs have a history of drafting big timers before everyone else catches on to them. This pick is no exception.

#29. Phoenix Suns: N/A
"No seriously Mr. Kerr, drafting another blogger is not going to put you over the luxury tax. Mr. Kerr? Mr. Kerr, please stop running!"

#30. Philadelphia 76ers: Jamie Mottram of Mister Irrelevant
Who better to take with the last pick than Mister Irrelevant?

Ballhype: hype it up!


dswinder said...

I'm honored to be blogging with the likes of an All-Star flopper, a Frenchman gettin' poon from a Desperate Housewife, Dirty Bastard Bowen, I'm just happy to be here Finley, and a future Hall of Famer from the islands...Oh and I left out Jacque Vaughn...He's more French that Tony...and he's from LA...

With Malice said...

Fantastic stuff...
Japan meets China meets T-Mac... I'd say we're in for a good season! ;)

TJ said...

Gheorghe is happy to be back in the league...and in real life a foot race between myself and Big Gheorghe would be almost as entertaining as Chad Johnson vs. That Horse. said...

Miss Gossip got shafted. There is no way the Suns would pass up the chance to team her up with Boom-Boom.

Or maybe that would be a distraction?

Ricky - Sixers4guidos said...

I demand a recount

I smell a conspiracy vs italians here


Anonymous said...

what? No love for Lang Whitaker of! c'mon the links are a must read for any nba fan.

someone is getting a steal in the second round.

Todd said...

Kevin Arnovitz slipped out of the first round? This is going to make GMs look worse than passing on Gilbert Arenas.

J.E. said...

Ah, fuck. I hate Europe ...

Phillips said...

Great post, but you have no idea how disappointed I am that I left blogger-school early and didn't get drafted. I'm the Korleone Young of the Blogger Draft. That hurts.

darren said...

I'm hoping to get myself drafted in the second round, I'm model my game around Yinka Dare.

Kevin Hayward said...

Guess I haven't been around the blogging community to be considered for this draft. Maybe next year!

Stan Gable said...

Way to give Natalie (Need-4-Sheed) her props. She works really hard on her site and it's great.

DubyaG9 said...

Maybe I can be an undrafted star like Ben Wallace or Bruc Bowen.